Usually we imagine that true love will be intensely pleasurable and romantic, full of love and light. In truth, true love is all about work…The essence of true love is mutual recognition—two individuals seeing each other as they really are. … When it happens, individuals usually feel in touch with each other’s core identity. Embarking on such a relationship is frightening precisely because we feel there is no place to hide. We are known. All the ecstacy that we feel emerges as this love nurtures us and challenges us to grow and transform…. This commitment to change is chosen. It happens by mutual agreement. …The heartbeat of true love is the willingness to reflect on one’s actions, and to process and communicate this reflection with the loved one…Choosing to be fully honest, to reveal ourselves, is risky. The experience of true love gives us the courage to risk. (pp 183-4)